Memo 3

So // just be sure// that you spend time// unpacking //these ideas.

How are you?
[makes coffee]
[sigh]
[smiles]
[cries]
[smiles and cries and laughs?]
I am just glad to have just a little bit of time
When is it gonna be that I come home and don’t feel guilty for doing dishes and doing
my laundry? How has it come to this? Grading is consuming. (I just gotta get my
system). It’s different for adults than it is for kids. Their only responsibility is school. (I
mean I can’t assume). Teaching is PHYSICALLY and MENTALLY draining. When I
teach I put my HEART and SOUL in it. Emotions take over a lot. (I am also guilty of it).
(Students are also guilty). I don’t judge them. I never judge them. The students. I yell. I
never shame. I’m so tired. I aim to empower them. But you can’t empower everyday.
(You know?)

I think// what happens// a lot//

Bodies framed as
“illegible”
“unthinkable”
“abject”
“unlivable”
(Butler, 1993)

Especially in //these// higher ed spaces//

Sometimes I think I’m so sad
maybe I need to take pills.
That’s ok
Pills can be pretty

An assumption//

I’m not stupid
I know what I mean
[bitch]
did
I
stutter//
Disabled people
argued Henri-Jacques Striker
are “often oriented to as an ontological threat
the tear// in our being” (1999, p. 40)

that //everyone shares //the same//

“Productive white girl in ivy league library”
“Bitter depressed crip in bed “
“Stupid ghetto Latina”
“in the hood”
“Oh right”
“haha”
“Write a poem about us please”
“It’ll make it better”
“Were you depressed yesterday too?”
“maybe it was the moon”

foundational// knowledges//

What do you need from me?
How am I doing?
[sighs]
[looks at teapot]
[looks at mosaic of The Rainbow Fish by Meibel that she cannot throw away]
[looks at poet’s jasmine that hangs above, blooming, so beautiful she resents it]
Please rest.
//